Butt-Dialing Superman
by Aquamarinescene
Summary: One-shot. Liz goes shopping. Aram and Ressler overhear a private phone conversation. Samar interrogates Liz. Ressler downloads and reads an unexpected book.


This is a one-shot Valentine for all of the Keenler fans out there. Hope you enjoy. Hit the comments if you like it.

Butt-Dialing Super Man

Liz walked down the aisles of the large discount store. She grabbed her favorite shampoo and conditioner, a new bottle of nail polish and a new round hair brush for blow-outs. She made her way into the sleepwear department and stopped to look at the cute Valentine's themed nighties. There were some really cute babydoll nighties and a cute and quite racy bra and panty set. There was a time when she would have bought both, but instead she settled on a fleece pajama set with yellow dogs with cute little red hearts in their mouths.

She sighed as she realized there would be nothing remotely romantic for her this Valentines Day. But, she was still going to enjoy it. She'd always enjoyed getting Valentine gifts and giving them as well. She fondly remembered when Sam had taken her to get her ears pierced when she was in 7th grade. She'd asked and begged him to let her pierce her ears but he'd held out until he felt she was old enough. It had been her Valentine treat from him that year. He'd also bought her a tiny pair of garnet and gold heart shaped earrings that she still had to this very day. He'd been such a great Father to her. He'd always made sure she had a cute little stuffed bear or outfit to wear every year and that she had the required valentine cards and candy treats to share with all of her friends at school.

Thinking back on those fond childhood memories, she turned her cart around and went down the Valentine aisle. She made up her mind that she would pick up a few Valentine treats for her workmates and her partner. Who cared if he was occasionally up tight and cranky. She enjoyed working with him and they'd built a great partnership so getting him a box of candy seemed to be appropriate. It wasn't like she was getting him a bottle of champagne and scented body oils the thought. As she examined the choices, she noted that one had an image of Superman on the lid and was wrapped in clear cellophane and was obviously for a child, while the other had the standard Red rose imprinted on it's lid. Smiling to herself, she decided that the Superman heart was perfect for her partner. She saw a smaller box on a different shelf that had a puppy dog on it and she picked that one up for Aram. Turning into another aisle, she saw a cute silver toned filagree heart keychain that would be perfect for Samar.

She knew he'd be in Cooper's office for his morning briefing and she and Samar would be out checking up on a lead for Red, so, she set the candy heart on his desk chair. She figured Ressler would be embarrassed if anyone saw it on his desk so he'd get his treat this way without putting him in a cranky funk.

Passing by Aram, she smiled at him and made him close his eyes and hold out his hand. As he obliged her, she dropped the small heart in his hands and grinned as his eye's opened and he gave her a brilliant smile. "Wow, thanks Agent Keen."

"It's Liz, Amar...and you're welcome." She all but flounced away, in a happy mood as she sought out Samar. As they got into the car, Samar produced her keys that were on a plain key ring. Smiling, Liz reached into her purse and pulled out the tiny wrapped box and handed it to her friend. "I got you a valentine, Samar. Something I think you'll like." Samar looked a tad puzzled but inquisitively reached for the small package. A bright smile played across her face as she examined the pretty bauble. "Liz, this is so cute, you didn't have to do this."

"Oh, it's no big deal, but I thought it was pretty and I thought it would be perfect for you. Happy Valentine's Day, Samar."

Aram was busy loading new security programs on all of the agents new laptops. It was going to be a long day, but at least he was getting paid to do something he loved! This really was a dream job for him. He got to experience the intrigue and mystery and excitement of the job without having to get shot at. He was in on the daily operations but got to stay behind and work on the computers and be the valuable tech guy that everyone seemed to need. As he worked he heard his phone vibrate over on his desk. Walking towards it, his face lit up with a smile as it always did when Agent Navabi called him. He tapped the phone and said hello but got no response. That was odd, he could still hear her talking but he wasn't sure to whom and what it was exactly that they were discussing. He listened for another minute and then put together what was going on. Apparently, Samar had accidentally dialed his cell and didn't realize her line was open and was unaware he could hear her conversation. He knew he was technically eavesdropping, but he justified it as making sure she was okay and this wasn't some covert call for help.

"So, are you doing anything tonight, you know...Valentine related?"

"Ugh...no, not me, are you kidding. The duped ex-wife of a piece-of-shit-double agent? Nope, nothing special going on for me tonight. How about you?"

"Well, I was hoping that Aram would ask me out but he's so shy and moves so slow. It's good, I mean...that he's slow, but I do like him and I'd hoped that you know.."

"Yeah, I get it. Hey, do you want to do something together?"

Samar looked quizzical for a moment and then grinned "Yeah, that would be fun. Should we go out to dinner and go clubbing?"

"Nah, I don't feel like doing that. Tonight will be all couples and that's just too depressing right now."

"I hadn't thought of that, you're right. Ohhh...I know, Fifty Shades of Grey comes out tonight. Let's go see that."

Liz paused. She'd read the book but didn't really get into it. Some of her friends were out of their minds crazy for it, but it just hadn't done much for her. "I don't know, Samar, I read part of the first book but never really finished it. It didn't do it for me."

"You're kidding! it was so hot. Seriously you didn't like it?"

Ressler walked into his office and as he pulled out his desk chair, he saw it. There was no doubting what it was and he immediately looked around with a cynical look on his face. Seeing nobody, he sat and quickly picked it up. It was an honest to god Superman candy valentine box. It was a large heart shaped box, wrapped in squeaky clear cellophane with the Man of Steel himself flying across the front. He knew who it had to be from but still found himself confused.

He turned it over and found that there was a card taped to the bottom. Tearing it open, he pulled out the card and shoved the candy heart in his bottom desk drawer where nobody would see it if they accidentally walked in the office. It was the drawer that he used to hide his pills in he realized. He quickly discarded the red envelope in the trash and began to read the card that was written in a familiar feminine loopy scrawl.

"To my Super Hero, from your appreciative partner. Thank you for always being there for me! Liz" She'd even drawn a little heart to dot the "i" in her name.

He held it in his hand for a few seconds, then laid it on top of the box and shut the drawer again. He knew if someone came in they would see him sitting there, grinning like an idiot.

He remembered when he'd gotten his first Valentine from a girl. He was in second grade, and Darcie Evans had made a point to get up, even after the teacher had told them to sit down and take out their reading book, and quickly dash back to his desk and shove the card into his paper valentine box that they'd just made for their art project. It was a bold move on her part, and he played it cool as the rest of the class oohed and ahhed until Miss Burns shushed them all, but he had been secretly pleased that she'd given it to him. That day they'd walked around on the playground together at recess and he'd proudly pushed her on the swing for all to see.

He grinned at the memory and at the fact that he, FBI Agent Donald Ressler, head of the Reddington task force and, as he'd heard himself referred to on many occasions, bad ass Mofo had just gotten a candy heart from his partner and by God he was happy. He could even hear that dippy Pharrell song playing in his head.

Feeling a tad light hearted, he decided to go for a walk. Maybe grab a cup of coffee in the break room and see what Aram was doing. He inwardly grinned as he approached the younger agent who was busy hunched over something concentrating and completely unaware that Ressler had approached. He would admit that Aram, was the guru of all things technical. He'd never met anyone who had such a wide breadth of knowledge about so many things as Aram did, and, he'd never admit that he enjoyed working with him. The man had grown on him and he admitted that his attitude was an asset to the team and his infectious demeanor did help to keep everyone calm and focused.

His trained eagle eyes also instantly spotted a similar, yet smaller candy heart box sitting on his desk. This discovery secretly pleased him in that his box was larger than Aram's. Much larger in fact. 'Damn Straight' he inwardly crowed as he greeted the other agent.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Shh...shhh….sit!" Aram flapped his hands without even looking at Ressler and motioned for him to be quiet and sit down.

Stunned, Ressler did exactly that. Feeling his ire come up at the blatant disrespect Aram was showing towards him, and fighting the urge to rip the wiseass a new hole, he directed a fierce glare at Aram and then he heard it. Aram had somehow tapped into a personal call between Liz and Samar.

"Hey Pal, that's not cool, disengage that call! What the hell are you doing?"

"I didn't call them, somehow she called me, but she doesn't realize it! Just shhh….Shhh...listen will you!"

"I don't know what you're thinking, Aram, but don't you ever shuss…." Then, he stopped talking when he heard what the women were discussing.

"I don't know, Samar, I read part of Fifty Shades but never really finished it. It didn't do it for me."

"You're kidding! it was so hot. Seriously you didn't like it?""

"Meh…."

"Okay Ice Queen, you're telling me that if some totally hot guy wanted to spank you and take you to his play room and have sex with you all night long, you'd say no?"

Liz laughed. "Samar, it's just not real. People don't do that. It doesn't happen."

"Of course it does. You probably just couldn't relate to Christian. Okay, so, do this for me...answer my questions honestly. Stop giggling, I mean it Liz, give me honest answers, okay?"

Liz sighed. She was enjoying talking with Samar like normal women did. It had been a long time since she'd gotten in any good girl talk. "Alright, alright, ask me your questions."

Samar kept her eyes on the road, but began her interrogation as Liz turned in her seat to face her. "Hmm, okay, so I'm just saying "if," but, if you'd do it, who would it be with."

"I don't know...how am I supposed to answer that? I"m not going to let some random guy spank me."

"You don't have to pick an actual guy, just describe what traits he'd have to get your motor running."

Liz played along. "Okay, Brad Pitt," she blurted out

"No, no, but, you're on the right track. Just give me a physical description of some random hot guy. What does he look like in your mind. Go...just answer without thinking too much about it. Go!"

"Okay, okay, um he's tall, not short"

"Good, Tall, okay what else? does he have a beard?"

"Ew, no. He's clean shaven and has nice skin."

"Okay, tall, nice skin...that's it?"

"Um he's blonde or blonde'ish and he's got blue or green eyes." Liz was having fun and opened up more. "And, he cannot wear glasses, especially cheesy round ones."

Samar laughed as she slowed the car for the stop light. Then it hit her like a brick. Liz was totally describing her partner! If she could rub her hands together in glee, she would. She knew there was some underlying spark between those two.

The two men turned to each other and Aram actually leaned in closer to his phone. Ressler glanced around again and found himself also leaning closer to the phone. "Turn it up a bit will you?"

Aram pushed the volume key up a bit and they continued with their illicit eavesdropping. Aram watched as Resslers brow furrowed and he glared down at the iPhone laying on the desk as he listened intently to the two women talking. His blue eyes were blazing. Then it hit him. Liz was describing her partner to Samar. He snorted out loud. Or perhaps he thought he snorted but really hadn't. Nope, he'd snorted as Ressler was now glaring at him.

"Could you shut up, man so I can hear?"

"Um, sorry, but you do realize that she's…"

Now Ressler was shushing him. "Shh… be quiet!"

Samar let Liz finish then repeated her words back to her. "Okay, so you're saying that you would let a guy spank you and fool around with you if he was tall, blonde and blue eyed."

"And built"

"Yes, I almost forgot, built. We can't forget that. So that would do it for you? Then you'd let him?"

"What I'm saying is that stuff like this doesn't really happen but as you said, "if" it was with the right guy maybe I would, yeah."

Samar thought LIz would hear her words and figure it out, but she didn't. "Okay, so what does this mystery sex machine look like in your mind. Is he butt-ass naked, or is he dressed up or what."

Liz could swear it felt hot in the car. "Well, he's certainly not wearing buttless chaps with a ball gag in his mouth if that's what you mean." Both women giggled.

"No, seriously what's dream guy wearing?"

"You make him sound like a Ken doll, Samar!"

"Well, at this point, he kind of is except he has to have more downstairs than a plastic Ken doll don't you think?"

Liz was gasping and laughing now. "Oh my god, Samar. Who knew you were so bad!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm bad. Now, quit trying to change the subject and tell me what Ken is wearing. Or do you just keep him naked all the time?"

"No, he's not naked. He's in a suit, like Hugo Boss or something. You know, lIke Christian wore in the book, except he's not Christian. Definitely not Christian!"

Both women were laughing and giggling and the static it made over the phone caused the speaker to start cutting out. Aram momentarily panicked.

"Damn it, we're going to lose the signal."

"Well do something, damn it!"

As Liz and Samar stopped laughing, the phones speaker became clear again.

Both men let out a sigh but continued to eagerly listen to the conversation.

Samar summed up LIz's dream Christian. "Okay, so you're going to let Mr. Tall, blonde and blue eyed Superman spank you!"

Liz laughed but then stopped. Her mind caught on the words Super and Man. Superman why was that giving her some weird deja vu feeling?

She gasped aloud and whipped her head around to Samar, who had been patiently waiting for Liz to come to this point.

"Oh. My. God."

All Samar did was raise her eyes in a knowing way and flash that huge smile at Liz "Oh my God indeed."

"Well Miss Navabi, turn about is fair play, so let's see how you like it. You're telling me that you'd prefer to be ravished by that wimpy Christian Grey? He'd be enough to do it for you?"

"Liz, I'm sorry but Christian is hot."

"Isn't he a bit young for you? Can't you think of someone better, like some tall, dark and dashing Arab man who just so happens to be a computer expert?."

"Liz! you scandalous hussy!"

The iPhone speaker cut out again as both women were apparently screaming in laughter as they drove along completely unaware of their audience.

"Okay, we're here. But, Agent Keen, I'm not done with you yet. We're definitely going to that movie tonight and then we're going to have ourselves a little talk. So, I'm on point, I'll introduce us, you start the questioning. Oh, crap, my phone battery is almost empty.

"I have a charger in my purse. Here, give it to me and I'll plug it into the port." Liz turned off the phone and plugged the charger into the port and left the vehicle to join Samar.

The phone disconnected, leaving Ressler and Aram sitting at his desk silently staring at each other.

"Um, that was…"

"Yeah….. Well, um, I'm going to go and make a copy…."

"Yeah, that new Mita copier is really a good one."

"I'll go check it out."

"You'll like it. Sharp ink and all. I'll see you later, Ken."

Ressler dimmed the light over his couch and took a seat on it's comfortable cushions. He booted up his computer and searched Amazon for the title he was looking for. Finding it, he hit the download button and charged it to his personal credit card. He took a sip from his cold beer and opened the box of chocolates, smiling at the image of Superman on the lid as he opened it. His computer notification sounded and his download was complete. He settled in to read "Fifty Shades of Grey" and find out exactly what the deal was with this book.


End file.
